“The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.”
― Elisabeth Elliot
Every woman around the world wants to marry her “Ideal Man”. But sometimes, we get overwhelmed of the thought on how to find ‘the one’, without making ourselves improve as a person. We set high standards on what kind of guy we should be dating, but when it comes to us, we simply say, “He should accept me for who I am.”
I’m not saying that we should be faking who we are, but at least, we should let time mold us into a better person.
When I was 19, I wrote in my diary a list of virtues that I want to have and they’re all based on Biblical characters. I’m not sure what my source was, but I remember my roommate gave me a note about what “Ideal Woman” looks like.
I’ve kept this one for too long, and now it’s time for me to share it. 🙂
1. BE PATRIOTIC
Know what is good and bad, right and wrong, proper or not
Now Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lappidoth, was judging Israel at that time. -Judges 4:4
The first example I have is Deborah. We know she is a judge and there were battles that she lead and won them all for the glory of God. She showed us an image of patriotism and courage. She loved Israel just like how a mother loves her children. Nurture inside of you a woman that aims loyalty not just to her husband, but most of all to our God.
2. BE A WOMAN OF CONSTANCY
Have integrity, never hide foolish secret and no secret activity
But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. – Ruth 1:16
In this, we see Ruth begging her mother-in-law Naomi to make her stay. We can see a woman here who is not just loyal to her husband but to the her husband’s mother.
To all the Single Women, constancy or fidelity is something that we thought is not a problem, but actually it still is. When we commit to things aside from God and those things push Him into the last one in our priorities, our faithfulness to Him is at stake. God wants His people to be faithful to Him first and foremost. If that constancy on how we love and praise Him is not there, our relationship with others will follow into ruins.
3. BE AN IDEAL MOTHER
Having the characteristics of:
- Industry and Maternal Love
One of the best Biblical examples for this is Samuel’s Mother, Hannah (1 Samuel 1 and 2). We can see how hopeful she was to finally bear a child and even offer Samuel back to God as a sign of her gratitude. One of the most powerful prayers written in the Bible is the prayer of Hannah who pleads to God to answer her (1 Samuel 2). We can see her faithfulness despite of the afflictions she was into, and that’s one of the things that every woman should be dreaming to become.
Nowadays, we see women who choose not to bear a child. But I hope and pray that every woman who is reading this will have a joy in their hearts to become mothers someday. Remember, the best definition of femininity is describe in the Bible. You might be one of those who cry for freedom, but I hope your freedom doesn’t take away the joy that comes with being a godly woman.
4. BE CAPABLE
A great example for this is the life of Abigail (1 Samuel 25). She was brave enough to keep David from killing innocent people.
Today, we might think that this is not a problem. There are many women nowadays who are capable enough to raise a family, but sometimes, women suffer from being too emotional in many things that we sometimes forget to let wisdom reign on our decisions and not just our emotions.
A real capable woman is brave, wise although still driven with the right amount of emotion. Our emotional intelligence can be our asset when we know how to control it.
5. BE HOSPITABLE
Kind in Service; Not Flirty.
The best example for this is the Rich Woman in the Town of Shunem (2 Kings 4:8-37). She and her husband were very accommodating to Prophet Elisha that it even came to a point where they built a small room for him at the flat roof of their house so that he can have a place to stay every time he visits their town. One day, their son got sick, and Prophet Elisha healed him (this is actually one of my most favorite Bible story to read when I was a kid).
We can see with the life of this woman that she is willing to serve the Lord with all her heart
She said to her husband, “I am sure this man who stops in from time to time is a holy man of God. Let’s build a small room for him on the roof and furnish it with a bed, a table, a chair, and a lamp. Then he will have a place to stay whenever he comes by.” – 2 Samuel 4: 9-10
And because of that virtue, God was able to save her son’s life through Prophet Elisha. We should cultivate a heart that is ready to help the needy without thinking too much on what to benefit from it. We should do it as a way of worshiping our Lord.
6. BE SELF-SACRIFICING
If I must die, I must die – Esther 4:16
Esther is one of my favorite characters in the Bible. She showed us courage and faithfulness. We can see in her the love she has for the LORD is greater than the love she has for King Xerxes who is also her husband. She is a woman of dignity and faith. In those times where Jews were to be killed, she didn’t depend on her power but to what God can do. So for days, they prayed before she could seek her husband’s favor towards the Jews.
7. BE HUMBLE
The world looks for happiness through self-assertion. The Christian knows that joy is found in self-abandonment. “If a man will let himself be lost for My sake,” Jesus said, “he will find his true self.” A Christian woman’s true freedom lies on the other side of a very small gate—humble obedience—but that gate leads out into a largeness of life undreamed of by the liberators of the world, to a place where the God-given differentiation between the sexes is not obfuscated but celebrated, where our inequalities are seen as essential to the image of God, for it is in male and female, in male as male and female as female, not as two identical and interchangeable halves, that the image is manifested. To gloss over these profundities is to deprive women of the central answer to the cry of their hearts, “Who am I?” No one but the Author of the Story can answer that cry. – Elisabeth Elliot
In this present age where feminism is at its peak, Christian women should remember that the Lord we worship is not deaf to the cries of every women in the world. We do not need feminism just to know our value here on earth.
Let’s be humble enough to know our worth compared to the God we worship. Let us keep ourselves from being puffed up with so much pride.
8. BE MODEST
“How does a woman discern the sometimes fine line between proper dress and dressing to be the center of attention? The answer starts in the intent of the heart. A woman should examine her motives and goals for the way she dresses. Is her intent to show the grace and beauty of womanhood? Is it to show her love and devotion to her husband and his goodness to her? Is it to reveal a humble heart devoted to worshiping God? Or is it to call attention to herself, and flaunt her wealth and beauty? Or worse, to attempt to allure men sexually? A woman who focuses on worshiping God will consider carefully how she is dressed, because her heart will dictate her wardrobe and appearance.” –John MacArthur
Let’s go back into the arms of modesty. Let’s live a life that says, ‘I no longer reign in this life. I’m living for Christ.’ Loving God is not just limited to writing, sharing testimonies of changed lives or going to Church. It’s worshiping Him every second of our lives, and that includes on how you present yourself. This is not about legalism. This is about our love and devotion to the One who died for us.
9. BE A WOMAN OF WISDOM AND VIRTUE
A gracious woman attains honor -Proverbs 11:16a
The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands. -Proverbs 14:1
Just like what I have said in being a capable woman, we should desire to be a wise woman. To become a woman of wisdom and virtue, we should value what God has to say and obey His commands. True wisdom comes from God alone.
10. BE A WOMAN OF PURITY
“He does not want a girl who trifles with Christianity. He wants a woman who is radically given to Christ. He does not want a girl who prays tepid, lukewarm prayers. He wants a woman who lives in defiance of the powers of Hell. He does not want a girl who is self-adorning with the latest fashions and trends. He wants a woman who is adorned with the inner jewelry of Christ-given holiness. He does not want a girl who dishonors and belittles her parents. He wants a woman who honors the authorities God has placed in her life and serves them with charity and gladness. He does not want a girl whose Bible is an accessory to her wardrobe. He wants a woman whose hunger and thirst is to know the Lord, and who diligently feasts upon His Word. He does not want a girl whose tongue is a deceptive weapon of selfishness. He wants a woman whose words drip with the honey of the name of Jesus.”
― Leslie Ludy
Being pure is not just about how we dress and act. It’s what is in your heart. Just like what David prayed after he sinned against God, let’s ask for a pure heart so that our appearance, actions and words will then follow.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. – Psalm 51:10
WHAT I LEARNED AFTER SIX YEARS
There were many things that happened for the past years. When I was 21, I considered the thought of embracing celibacy up to the end of my life. I even stopped writing letters every February 14 because I was not considering marriage anymore. But two years after that (after my constant prayers to God), I found myself desiring to become a wife and a mother again. It was not a sudden realization, but I found myself loving the thought of becoming someone’s partner in doing the things that will glorify God.
I also learned during the past years that to become a truly virtuous woman, I need to have the right motives in my heart. It’s useless to aim these things if all that’s in your mind is to be found by an Ideal man. I learned to cultivate these things without conditions. I learned the importance of being godly without thinking about doing those things to be found desirable. If you are meant to marry someone someday, he will come in the right time. But it doesn’t mean that your aim to cultivate those things is for you to be found someday. You’re doing it the wrong way. And sadly, you’re doing it for the wrong person. Learn to do everything for Christ alone and not for other people. 🙂
You are not defined by your outward beauty
Your true charm is mirrored by what’s inside
It’s through your kindness and humility,
That the Lord, your God, will be magnified.
You are not defined by your wealth
Nor the achievements that this world can give
The luxury of life is nothing but a fleeting one
Fix your eyes on Him, until He’ll say, “Well done…”
Sharing to you one of my favorite songs:
Help me now to live a life
That’s dependent on Your grace
Keep my heart and guard my soul
From the evils that I face
You are worthy to be praised
With my every thought and deed
O great God of highest heaven
Glorify Your Name through me