My Questions For Christian Men

If there is one topic that I want to ask my brothers in Christ, it’s this:

Why do most of you get attracted to unbelievers (and end up marrying them)?

Just yesterday, one of my friends told me that he confessed his love to an unbeliever. I asked him that question and he just told me he doesn’t know, so he said, he can’t answer in behalf of all Christian menΒ if he cannot even answer why he get attracted to an unbeliever.

His situation reminded me of one of the topics I want to ask my brothers in Christ.

Since I was a kid, I’ve been moving from one city to another, and this trend has always been the same. Most men inside the church marry an unbeliever instead of marrying someone with the same faith. They always have high hopes that it will all go well, and their partners will believe in Christ soon. On the other hand, single women inside the church keep on waiting for a godly man, yet these Christian men mostly don’t consider them for marriage. So this scenario end up either these single women have no other option but to marry an unbeliever as well or not marry at all. This ‘trend’ has sparked many questions in my mind.

Are the women inside your church not physically attractive?

Does physical attraction play a vital role on how you choose your spouse? I guess you’ll answer ‘yes’, but is it really hard to find the people inside your church or people with the same faith as attractive? Does it have anything to do with how we dress?

Is it true that you find women inside your church as ‘Out of your league’ or ‘too religious for you’ that’s why you won’t consider them?

Is the faith of women inside your church not attractive for you? Is it really intimidating when they are more mature when it comes to their faith?

If you are a Minister or an Elder, how do you address this issue?

I know we have been warned by people not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, but what if most of your men get attracted to unbelievers? What do people mostly advice to them? Is this issue has something to do with maturity? Does it alarm you when Christian women are not always highly valued when it comes to courtship?

***

There are many single women inside our church who feel ‘unaccepted’ because of this. I’ve heard many women gets so upset when Christian men don’t find them attractive.

There was a godly woman in our church who told me that no one from the faith liked her when she was single. So when an unbeliever courted her during her early 30s, she said ‘yes’ and they got married soon after that. She said, she has no other choice because there’s no one who asked to marry her. She’s beautiful, by the way (if you’re going to reason physical attraction). She is active in church. She is also intelligent and has a stable work.

Could this ‘trend’ be the reason why most singles are Christian women? Do men always feel that way towards women inside their church?

I have so many questions regarding this. So please, if you are a Christian Guy reading this, can you comment below or make a blog post regarding this issue?

I would appreciate all your answers. This question has been on my mind for years.

God bless you all, and have a nice day. 😊

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12 Comments Add yours

  1. Jamie Carter says:

    Perhaps Christianity just creates too much baggage between the boys and girls who grow up to be men and women. Boys are told that they are creatures of lust who better not look at christian girls sideways lest they suffer eternal damnation. Christians girls are taught to be modest and sweet, always agreeable, but they don’t always get a chance to develop a personality of their own. Perhaps what men like about unbelieving women is that they were never taught to behave or be like Christian girls. And there’s always the issue of chemistry; as it turns out, when you put a boy and a girl in the same room … if they don’t have chemistry, the relationship between them will suffer and sometimes nothing happens. Some guys might not like some girls, and they might like a little push-back which girls are told is “usurping” a man’s gender role, so they don’t do that. Ultimately, love itself is unpredictable, no matter how Christian two people are, they can’t make it happen if it’s not meant to be.

    1. KrizSummer says:

      Thank you so much. 😊 This is a good insight. Highly appreciated. God bless you 😊

  2. Doctor Eamer says:

    Reblogged this on P.S.A. and commented:
    Sasagutin natin ang katanungang ito sa nalalapit na panahon. Haha!

  3. Hi, greetings from Qatar. Interesting topic, by the way.
    Allow me to share some points, I hope might be helpful.
    Men sometimes are getting intimidated of Christian women, especially if she’s ‘on the spotlight’ i.e. outspoken worship leader or motivational youth pastor. Christian women are expected to uphold a high standard, high enough for men to seek for unbelievers. It’s easier to deal with unbelieving girls than to live up to believer’s expectations. Moreover, unbelieving girls will admire christian men, plus factor. Of course, it’s not a factor to lower your standard. Live to God’s standard, this will separate men from boys.
    One factor in which I can testify is that courting a believer puts my relationship with the church at stake. My first girlfriend (before I met my wife) is a young people in our church, same as me. Despite having ‘a cord of three (Jesus-You-Me) and full support of our church, we parted ways. I knew we love each other so much, but we have to accept that there are cases where we are not meant to be. Sadly our relationship is one of those. After we split, i become entranged to the church I called home for the last five years. I keep on pondering: ‘what’s the stand of the church on breakup?’
    One factor i guess, though mostly overlooked, is that women are so in love with Jesus that she don’t feel the urge/need to have a bf by that time. It will be late to realize that some men wants to court her but she’s not open for a relationship. They’re all married by the time she’s ready. Parallel with secular are those career-oriented professionals. it’s worth noting that my wife (she’s a pastor) told me that she’s so in love with the Lord that she tempted not to ask for ‘mr. right.’ Nevertheless, she made a bargain with the Lord to meet her ‘mr. right’ at the age of 30 max. πŸ™‚ It came to pass – we’ve met when she’s thirty years old. Bargaining works, highly recommended. Just pray for ‘mr. right’ as a character, not a person.
    There must be a spark, a chemistry. Something unique that you fallen for. As for me, I love her smile. My wife told me that I am pleasant. (seriously?hehe) I shook my head in disbelief. At least, there’s something I can work on, a benchmark. If there’s no attraction, there’s no starting point – we cannot force love.
    Stay in love with Jesus. Somewhere, somehow that guy is being convinced by Jesus to be a man and look for you. It’s not a false hope, God knew the innermost part of our anxious heart. In His perfect time.
    God bless!

    1. KrizSummer says:

      Thank you so much, Sir. 😊 I appreciate your response. Thank you for giving a detailed information, Sir. God bless you.

  4. You’re welcome. πŸ™‚ ‘kuya’ will do, hehe..i actually touched with this issue because it’s so real to me.

    God bless you,too kriz..

  5. When talking to my Husband about your topic and something came up during our conversation. In his experience a lot of Christian woman expected him to be a certain way and act a certain way. They either saw him growing up in church or met him at a camp or conference. When he would try to talk to them they would see his sin he was battling and judge him instead of encouraging him or trying to understand where he was coming from. Before I came along he thought we would never find a Christian woman who would accept him and his sins.
    When we met and started courting we talked about that and I told him that I also had sins and that is why we have to pick up our crosses daily.
    For him it was more that they judged him or would criticize him so he would stop trying to seek out Godly woman.
    It is hard and I can completely understand what you mean but I hope you will contunie to pray and know that God has someone for you and when its time it will all work out. praying for you. God bless!

    1. KrizSummer says:

      Hello Ma’am. 😊 Thank you so much for this and for asking your husband. I appreciate it. 😊 Many people have already responded on this through my other social media accounts and I have observed the same pattern. Christian women expects too much. Your husband’s story adds as an example for that. I guess I will write an article soon to address young women. Thank you so much, Ma’am. Really. πŸ˜ŠπŸ’Ÿ God bless you. 😊

      1. I agree so much with these statements! Although I think women as a gender are generally tougher on men when it comes to mistakes. We are bad at receiving critique, but quick to dish out. Being Christian, one would think it would lessen this attitude, but I also found, It somehow becomes worse. I recently wrote a blog about Micro-managing your husband, and although the tone is very light, the same message can and should be applied to sin and the mistakes of our significant other. We should be able to know the difference between a one-time mistake or a bad habit. We are trying so hard to control life, and creating the perfect environment, we tend to push away Godly men or frustrate our husbands. This is something I am working on! You can read my blog here: https://goo.gl/x50ZDL

  6. Yes that would be a Great topic to talk about and what is to much look like? Something I learned is that just because the men struggle with sexual sin a lot of christain woman put them down instead of understanding that God gave them those desires for their wifes. But the single men are trying to fight it but it’s really hard and that’s why we woman need to haverify our boundaries ready and know that we have a lot of power in the relationship. My husband never courted anyone before and I out that out there and where my boundaries were. That’s very important. Hope that helps. God bless. If you have any questions please ask would love to chat about this.

  7. williambentleyewoldt says:

    Honestly, I find dating non-Christian women a lot simpler. I haven’t figured out why that is, but that has been my experience and I have a number of friends who echo that sentiment.

  8. Bible Bill says:

    This is a hard conversation to tackle in a single comment but here are a few thoughts. I have had people read unequally yoked as meaning you need an equal in spiritual maturity as much as not tying yourself to an unbeliever. This may have something to do with your question about men being intimidated by women who are more spiritually mature than them. This is a very interesting topic.
    – Bible Bill
    http://www.pouronthecool.com

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