Why I Stopped Reading Christian Books About Love and Waiting

When I was in highschool, I really thought that I’m going to meet my future husband while I’m in College, but I was so wrong. Worse, I waited the wrong way when I was there and the books that I’ve read during that time influenced me a lot.

1. TOPICS ABOUT LOVE AND WAITING ARE NOT SOLID FOOD

The first church I joined when I was in College was a mega church. One of the almost always focus in sermons or fellowship that we had were about relationships – It’s either about love or waiting for the right person.

I remember asking my Bible Study leader about Cain’s wife and why did she appear so suddenly in the Scriptures. I never got my answer. I felt condemned because they were starting to question my faith because I have so many doubts. They keep on telling students to wait for the right person yet they didn’t taught us how to wait for God and know Him more. 

Feeding on ‘junk’ teachings will make you doubt and make you unable to answer basic questions regarding our faith. I decided to leave that church and join a new one, but the effects of feeding on fluff are dangerous. I starved spiritually.

Months after that, I still have my doubts. I felt like I still have many questions about Christianity and my fixation on the style of teachings I got from the first church was stuck in me that I still keep on feeding myself with books about love and waiting.

2. THEOLOGY CAME INTO MY LIFE

Theology is extremely important and deeply practical. It will determine how you handle the mundane things of life. It will be the driving force behind your worship. And it will increase your thankfulness. Most importantly it will reveal to you the greatness and holiness of the God who made you and takes care of you. – Jen Thorn

The first time I was properly introduced to theology was on year 2013, and it started through a book written by Joshua Harris entitled “Dug Down Deep.”

They said that it is dangerous to study the Word of God and not letting it flow to your heart. Yes, that’s right. But there is also a danger in knowing less because you are going to depend on your emotions when it comes to your relationship with God instead of making His Word as the foundation of your faith. That’s why when you don’t ‘feel’ something about it, you think you’re drifting away and then you start to find answers from dreams, visions, signs and those other things rather than dwelling on the innerant Word of God.

It was only through the study of the Word of God that I was able to understand salvation. It was only through my readings of God’s word that my questions were answered. 

3. IT’S NOT HEALTHY TO FIX YOUR EYES ON BOOKS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND WAITING

“The­ol­ogy is prac­ti­cal: espe­cially now. In the old days, when there was less edu­ca­tion and dis­cus­sion, per­haps it was pos­si­ble to get on with a very few sim­ple ideas about God. But it is not so now. Every­one reads, every­one hears things dis­cussed. Con­se­quently, if you do not lis­ten to The­ol­ogy, that will not mean that you have no ideas about God. It will mean that you have a lot of wrong ones — bad, mud­dled, out-of-date ideas. For a great many of the ideas about God which are trot­ted out as novel­ties to-day are simply the ones which real The­olo­gians tried cen­turies ago and rejected.” ― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

One thing that attracts people to buy books that are primarily about relationships is that people are ‘hungry’ for something. And then they start to search their purpose somewhere else.

Depraved as we are, I think God has designed it to put a void in our hearts like there’s something missing which no man can explain. That’s why lost people try to find their happiness in their wealth, from a lover, job, achievements, outward beauty, false religions and all other kinds of lusts. They don’t know what to do and they are blinded enough not to see that only God is the answer to those longings.

I struggled with that when I was younger. I am so eager to find my purpose or to belong and be loved. But I was searching for it the wrong places. Worse, even people inside the church can be blinded into thinking that finding a spouse is the answer, but sadly it is not.

I believe our struggles don’t end when we get married. In fact there are stories wherein God uses your partner to shape you into Christlikeness. It could be about dealing with your partner’s bad habits or his/her unregenerated heart despite professing as Christ’s believer.

There is more to just being fixated on finding a partner. We should be thinking more about building our relationship with Christ because what if you’re meant to be single for the rest of your life? Are you okay with it and just be satisfied with Christ and your salvation?

4. I MUST BE DEAD TO MYSELF AND LEARN TO LET GO OF ALL MY EARTHLY LONGINGS

What I love about knowing God’s Sovereignty is that it takes all my worries. When I know that He is in control, I know I will be okay even if I am not going to get married.

What if you are going to die tomorrow or the next day or the next month yet you are not so sure of your salvation? Because instead of knowing God and living your life for Him, you keep on thinking that God will bless you with earthly things such as a momentary marriage here on Earth. But have you ever thought, what if you’ll die young and never be able to get married? I think it is a waste of time to just dwell on love and waiting all your life instead of giving yourself a chance in knowing God more through His Word. A future spouse can never complete you the way that Christ completes your life, and it’s necessary that believers will learn to let go of those longings and start feeding on solid food.

5. THEOLOGY IS FOR WOMEN TOO

“The only way to prevent a distortion of womanhood is by encouraging women to behold their God—to taste and see that he is good—and to search out his Word to learn of reason after reason after reason to give him praise. We ought to tremble at the thought of encouraging women to do anything else.” – Alyssa Poblete

I know that there are so many books out there that try to manipulate your emotions rather than help you build a solid foundation through a real study of the Word of God. I know we must equip ourselves emotionally and somehow address issues regarding that, but theology is more important and it is not, by all means, just for men. We should not be satisfied with having gatherings that are centered in catering on our emotional needs. We must gather with other women and study the Word of God. 

Yes, we have a different role compared to men, but the difference in our roles should not keep us from studying God’s Word. You have the choice in knowing God and live a theocentric life. So choose to leave those books that feed your emotions and start studying the Word of God and make it truly real in your life.

DIG DEEPER

We always want to be entertained. We always want to read something that we can relate with. But, is theology not worth it? Is Studying God’s word not worth trying? Yes, our sorrows need to be addressed. But is studying the Word of God not enough to teach you right? Although I respect Joshua Harris and Elisabeth Elliot (They’ve taught me so well, through their books, on how to wait for God’s timing), I think what I learned from them is already enough to move on and read something else.

Theology is not boring. Believe me. So start reading something else. You’ll realize there’s so much more you must learn about your faith.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. I remember when God first asked me, “What if you never marry?” My first thought was “Well shoot…I’ll need a hobby.” Then it turned into “Well, no, what I need is a MINISTRY”, then “Wait, no…more like a purpose.” It was then that I really saw just how much of my life’s hopes revolved around marrying.

    But I had just enough experience in ministry already at that point to remember that ministry couldn’t fill your soul if it wasn’t powered by God, so my final conclusion was, “I need more of GOD.” I realized how far behind I was in developing my walk with him, and I started catching up.

    My desire for marriage is stronger than ever, but paradoxically, my contentment in God has also grown and now rises above that desire. I pray strongly for a wife, but I pray even more for more of God.

    1. KrizSummer says:

      Awww. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sir. I hope you’ll find her soon. Just keep on praying. 😊 GOD bless you!

  2. Finally, someone voice it out concisely! I observe many women who thought that their end purpose is to marry. And my heart aches whenever they fill the void by doing things just to meet their so-called happiness.

    Only God can fill the void.

    Thank you for this wonderful entry! 🙂

    1. KrizSummer says:

      Awwww. Thank you so much! God bless you. 😊

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