Last month, I wrote a blog entry that gave people a view of my personal life. I felt that I was vulnerable yet I was also relieved when I chose to do it the best way I know – through writing. It wasn’t easy to heal a broken heart, but I learned that it can heal sooner than you expect.
Listed here are the lessons I’ve learned for the past weeks:
1. It’s okay to cry.
You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?
– Psalm 56:8
I’m not comfortable with showing my vulnerable side. I only choose to cry when I’m alone and not in front of someone else. I’m scared of being judged as weak and emotion-driven person. But when I experienced heartbreak, crying somehow released me. Yes, I was vulnerable. Yes, I was weak. But that’s alright.
Release yourself and let those tears fall. Don’t ever hesitate to let God see your tears. Show Him how you really feel.
2. Write as much you can until it hurts no more.
Writing has been one of my means of release during those times. If you look at all my posts, I have the highest number of posts for the past weeks. I wrote poems when I feel like I need to be released. I wrote down my musings until the last word is out. I wrote about the bitterness I felt up to the love God has showed me. It helped me get through that’s why I was able to write the last poem for him. And do your best when you say it will be your last. Because it helps you control your emotions and forget about it as soon as possible.
3. Don’t hesitate to ask help.
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel. – Proverbs 12:15
My close friends back in college helped me a lot in breaking free from my bondage. Most of the people I opened up to experienced the same thing. They told me their stories and the things they could have done before it happened.Maybe you’re scared to be judged, but share your thoughts to your closest friends anyway.
However, I won’t advise you to share the whole story to all of your ‘friends’. Some of them won’t care about you. Believe me. I also thank God that I was able to experience this because I saw who are true to me. When you’re at your lowest point, you’ll be able to know who are your real friends because they will really spend time with you and ask you if you’re okay. They will be there to help you heal.
4. Pray to God that you will be healed sooner.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
– Psalm 34:18
I was so honest with my prayers to God. I told Him that I need to heal soon. I have exams, a research paper and other responsibilities to attend to and having a broken heart during this time will not help at all.
I was glad that God answered my prayers. He opened my eyes that the guy who broke my heart wasn’t the right one for me for so many reasons. So, don’t hesitate to tell God your deepest thoughts and the things that bother you. He will always be there to listen.
5. Getting busy with much more important things will help you forget about it.
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. – Phil. 4:8
Just like what I have said, I have a lot of responsibilities for the past weeks. I have hospital duties and a research paper to finish. These things helped me realize that I must not dwell with unimportant things. If I did let my heart consume me with my emotions, I won’t be able to do my duties. I won’t be productive then if all that is in my mind is my broken heart and the loneliness it gave me.
6. Reading good books will help you get through.
“In fact, if we do what our hearts tell us to do, we will pervert and impoverish every desire, every beauty, every person, every wonder, every joy. Our hearts want to consume these things for our own self-glory and self-indulgence. No, our hearts will not save us. We need to be saved from our hearts.”
― Jon Bloom,
There was a devotional book that helped me get through that storm. It’s entitled “Don’t follow your Heart” by Jon Bloom. It made me realize so many things. If you are going through a heartbreak or if you are sick and tired of following your heart, I highly recommend that book. It will feed you with the right wisdom that you need.
7. Put boundaries.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is to put boundaries with your relationships with the opposite sex. Most of my friends back in college were guys, but they know their boundaries. It’s okay to have guy friends BUT choose to befriend those guys who are contented with their singleness. These guys will not give you subtle hints. In fact, they will take care of you because you are their sister in Christ.
Spiritual maturity plays a big role with your relationship with the opposite sex. However, maturity should not be measured by age. That guy who broke my heart is two years older than me, but my other guy friends who are younger than me are more mature when it comes to their spirituality.
8. Clarity is the key.
Value clarity more than what you feel. Don’t let any man come into your life and puzzle you with their actions. If you are starting to feel that something is not clear to you because he’s giving you actions that will make you assume, confront him. Tell him you’re not okay with it. Don’t be scared if you’ll lose him or what because if he is really sure of what he feels, he will tell you through his actions and words. You don’t need to guess what his every action means because real men know what they want to begin with.
9. Good guys still exist.
Dear woman who cried buckets of tears for the wrong guy, GOOD GUYS STILL EXIST! Two of the guys who gave me solid advice were William and Phil. Phil is my churchmate back in my hometown, and William is also my churchmate back in College. They showed me that good guys still exist. Despite being younger than me, they were able to give me wise advice about what I was going through.
There are those times that words from men help more than the comfort you’ll get from your girl friends. Although they’re not that much good in comforting you, however, they know how to give you solid advice from a man’s point of view.
Maybe you’ll be scared to welcome guy friends in your life because of what you’ve experienced. But actually, their spiritual maturity will help you allay your fears. These guys are example of men who will take care of your heart like you are their sister. They will rebuke you if you need it and they will protect you when you’re vulnerable.
There was never a time that these guys sent me subtle hints the way that guy who broke my heart did. That’s why I know that good guys still exist. And these guys know what they want and how to truly protect their sisters in Christ.
10. God is enough.
But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. – 1 Timothy 6:6-7
The biggest lesson I learned from all that I went through is the truth that God will always be enough. A man can break your heart and make you feel hopeless, but God will always be who He is. He will always be true to Himself and when He says in His word that He will take care of you although we will experience suffering, He will really mean it.
What I experienced reminded me to love singleness without conditions. We were taught by this world to anticipate marriage and motherhood, but not with contentment in singleness. I’m not saying that you should not desire to become married someday, but know how to wait in the right way.
Ask yourself these questions more often: If God won’t give you a spouse, will you be contented with just Him alone? Will you love Him without conditions? Are you still excited to know God if you knew you won’t get married soon?
This season of singleness should equip us to become a person who is contented and happy in Christ. Let’s not waste this season by anticipating for the next season in your life. Learn how to grow in Christ and embrace the joy He freely gives.
Bonus: WHEN IT HAUNTS YOU AGAIN.
I’d rather wait for the right man than wait for the wrong man to get right. -Kenya Morgan
For me, the saddest part of moving on is knowing that there will be times that you’ll get bitter. Just last night I saw his post in Instagram with his date with a girl he said he won’t fall in love with. I was confused. Really. Because the girl he said he was courting is different with the girl he was dating the other night. Haha! I wasn’t bitter because he has a date. I got bitter because he never learned his lesson.
But I reflected on it and realized that I cannot change him. If he wants to go on that way, let it be. If he’s doing it again, so be it. Some guys will really choose not to learn, and don’t think that he will change because you learned your lessons too. Let God do His work regarding that. God is not blind. He saw your tears and the pain you went through. So learn to give up everything to God. Take all of those bitterness from your system because someday it will make sense.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:31-32
His Grace is ALWAYS Sufficient
I hope these lessons opened your eyes somehow. If you are going through the same thing, I encourage you to draw near more to God. He has all the answers that you need. It’s okay to feel vulnerable in His presence because God will not hesitate to strengthen you during this time in your life. ☺
And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. – 1 Corinthians 12:9-10
Special thanks to PSA for comforting me during my heartbreak. Thank you, too, to one of the bloggers I look up to – Savannah. Thank you for your advice. I did not forget about that. Thank you for reaching out. 😊 God bless you. I’m praying for you. ☺
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.