Dear Future Husband,
It’s been eleven years since the time that I vowed to patiently wait for you. I was fourteen back then. My memories during that time are already vague, but I remember how I cried during that time. I was so eager to wait for you. I remember how proud I was to wear my promise ring back in High School.
For years, I have drawn a blueprint of what you should be like, and as the years go by and my spiritual growth increased, I’ve learned to erase the fleshly desires of what you should look like or what career you must be pursuing.
I’ve learned my lesson, too that I must invest more in becoming the right person in the sight of God than to be consumed by my thoughts of how you should be like.
If there is something funny about all this ‘waiting’ process that I am going through, it’s how people around me anticipate for your arrival. I am frequently asked if you’re already in my life or did I at last give someone a chance.
They said that I should pray for you more often. But honestly, there are more times that it’s just so hard to pray for you. It’s so easy to be hopeful when we’re young. I can easily just say that you’ll someday come into my life. But I am getting older now, and I am more drawn into thinking that maybe you don’t exist at all. The enemy even tells me sometimes that all my prayers are not worth it because you don’t exist and if you really do exist, then you should have been here in my life right now. I used to believe those lies. I used to cry over the hopelessness that drowned me for quite a long time.
There were times that I even became curious of how it feels to be in a relationship because I’ve never been into one; yes, not even once. Most of my friends are already in a relationship, and I’m still here wondering when will those things ever happen to me.
I’ve come to love singleness, so don’t get me wrong. I have mastered the art of contentment while you’re not yet here. I learned to let go of you and just let God do what He wants and how it should be. I have given up in consuming my time in wondering something that is not yet meant to be here.
If I am going to list all the guys that I thought was you, maybe you’ll laugh at how often I got it wrong. I even came to a point that I realize that my blueprint can fit to anyone, but it takes wisdom to truly discern who you are.
For the past three years, I’ve grown to love how Pastors preach and their drive to glorify God. I’m amazed how driven they are in preaching and studying God’s Word that I came to a point where I desired you to be one of them. Just so you know, I look up to John MacArthur, John Piper, David Platt, Kevin DeYoung, Paul Washer, Joshua Harris, Steven Lawson, Tim Challies and Tim Conway. I was even able to watch videos and read books/articles that mentioned how they found their spouse and how wise they were in recognizing the right one for them, and I often end up wondering how you’ll find me.
I don’t know if you’re already in my life or what. I don’t want to dwell anymore into so much what ifs about your existence. But I just hope that when you’re finally here, you won’t come in the most puzzling way. My heart has been torn into pieces many times by guys that tried to be you. I don’t like how they look at courtship and sometimes see friendship as their comfort zone yet they sent me signals that it’s more than that. There were so many times that I wish I was born in a different era where every boy and girl relationships are more intentional rather than recreational. I sometimes think how unfortunate it is to be born in a time where communication is easy yet relationships are not pure.
I hope you’re not ripping hearts this time. I wish you’re now a grown-up man when it comes on how you deal with women. You must highly respect every woman that comes in your life because I know how it feels when men don’t value your worth and they fail to see beyond your looks, and love you more for your virtues. I hope you see them as who they are – gifts for someone else out there and not something for you to open up. I hope you are now serving God in all your ways, and love Him all the days of your life.
I’ll be spending another February 14 without you. I used to spend that day with all of my single friends because I promised myself to never go out on a date with some other man during that day if he’s not you. I don’t want to have memories that will haunt me for years. I want to be faithful even in those times that you’re not here.
I guess they’re right when they said that I live like I was born in another era when it comes to my principles in dating, but I want to stay like this because I know you’ll find me this way.
I don’t know when you will ever come. I’ve already given up waiting with wrong reasons/motives and I just want to live this life for Him that has been with me for the longest time. I know that God has been doing good things for the both of us, and I hope that you will patiently wait for the time that we will be together.
Let us serve the Lord even when I am still not in your life. For even our marriage will someday fade after we die and leave this Earth, but the Lord God who saved us will live forever.
Let’s glorify Him even in the distance that we are currently in because these days of waiting will not be wasted if we spend it loving what He loves and doing what He wills for us.
Your Future Wife,