“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord.”
Last Sunday, I already said goodbye to the guy behind my blog entry last week. Honestly, I was hurt when he told that it was a “pure friendship” because I have so many evidences to prove that it wasn’t pure.
I don’t blame that guy for everything. Let’s start with that. Every relationship is played by both sides. Some things will not happen if we both did not let it happen. Now that’s where this blog entry is going.
For the past days, I’ve been crying. It’s so hard when you’re a student and you’re mending your heart while studying for some exams. Just the other day, I was crying while our Professor was having a lecture. My tears kept on falling and I was trying to fake it like there was something in my eyes that got stuck.
Our ‘friendship’ is actually kind of a secret one. Our interactions are more obvious in my messenger than the interactions we have in facebook itself. It was more of “let’s hide this” kind of story, but every secret has its own pain in the end.
I met this guy back in college and the rest will be kept a secret. I was timid and he was a snob. Who would ever thought that after four years, we will get into this?
It was a short-lived and all-virtual kind of friendship. A span of months and not a year.
So how did I fall so easily? He’s so ideal. I remember back in College that I look up to him. I cannot even start a conversation with him because he’s so ‘high up there.’ Yet despite the pros and cons of the growing relationship, I still allowed myself to have it. I saw some warning signs along the way, but I ignored it. I even kept on asking God if this ‘friendship’ is His will.
Somehow, it was my fault also that my worth looked so cheap because of that. There were so many days that I wanted to break free from it but my will power was not enough, and he kept on giving me reasons to hold on. He was giving me some special attention for me to assume that there is something going on between us. There was even a time that he accidentally opened his front cam while chatting with me while he’s at a coffee shop. He wasn’t aware of it but I saw his smiles, and those smiles were so genuine. It’s like I was looking at someone who is falling in love, but I was so wrong. Maybe it was just my imagination after all.
But one day, I came into my senses after seeing a video of Pastor Tim Conway and his wife as they talk about “How to Find A Spouse” and how her wife talked about not lowering our standards in godliness. After that, I even watched Paul Washer’s sermon on “Dating, Courtship and Marriage.” Both of those videos became a wake-up call for me.
I was so ready to let him go before the year ends, but on the New Year’s Eve, he sent me a message while he was at the airport. So it looked like, I kind of ended 2016 and started 2017 while chatting with him. His picture while he’s at the airport was the last pic I received in 2016. That event made it so much harder for me to let go. My feelings for him was already building up. But everything must come to an end especially that at the beginning of this year, he keeps on talking about some other girl. And that was the last drop of warning sign that I needed to finally move on.
I’m not perfect. People who looks at my life may seem to see that I am living a perfect life but I am not. I stumble and fall at times, but my principles are still intact.
So as a woman who wants to keep my standards in godliness high even in welcoming men into my life, I finally decided to end the friendship. You cannot have a “pure” friendship when everything is already soaked in a “muddy” water of deceit, assumptions and lies of the enemy. You don’t need to keep the friendship when your heart is already having some bad issues. You should know how to protect yourself thus I decided to end it.
It was a quick but destructive friendship. Short-lived but unforgettable. He asked me last Sunday, “So this is goodbye?” and I politely answered, “Yes...” And although we get the closure that we both deserve, we somehow ended it with heavy hearts.
My last words for him was full of thanksgiving. I assured him that I am not hating him.
I learned so many things from this. I was reminded that when it comes to godliness, we should not lower our standards. We must only welcome men who have clear intentions. Don’t ever let them play with your feelings because LOVE IS NOT A CHARADE. Yes, beautiful words should be said at the right time, but love was not designed in such a way that we will be puzzled all the time.
Women in the Bible are considered ‘the weaker partner and as heirs also of the gracious gift of life’ if pursued by the intention of marriage. Thus, they are worthy of such respect because they, too, had been bought with a precious blood of Christ. Just because they are the weaker, doesn’t mean men have the right to manipulate their feelings. – Hannae Mae Toring
I am still mending a broken heart. I still cry over my stupidity and how I fall over the schemes of the enemy.
I am still in the process of breaking this bondage. He’s not a bad person, actually. It’s just that we both find this as our weakness that’s why I don’t have any reasons to hate him. In fact, I still miss him. I miss the times that I wake up seeing his ‘good morning’ message or ending the day with good nights. I miss the pictures of his cute little nephew and his funny selfies. I miss everything, but I need to move on.
But I know all of this will make sense someday.
What’s important is that, I am happy that I obeyed God this time. We should know what to give up in order to please Him because I know that kind of engagement is not glorifying His name.
It’s painful but I know it will all work together for my own good.
Someday, I’ll look back to this maybe cringing or laughing. But at least, I learned. 🙂
So for those who are reading this and stuck in a vague relationship, know your worth. You don’t need to stay because you’re afraid to never get that kind of attention again.
Obey God and let His name be glorified in every relationships that you will have in this world.
Just because the wrong man did not see your value, does not mean you are not worth it. A blind man will walk past a million dollars and a foolish man will make waste of it; that still doesn’t change its value. It’s still a million dollars. Beautiful and strong woman, know your worth. – Mr. Amari Soul
If that man is not clear with his intentions, leave. If you are starting to build some feelings towards him, pray about it. Ask wisdom from the LORD on what to do. You don’t have to keep some friendships just to look like you’re peace-loving. Know your boundaries and do not let anyone play with your feelings.
God knows our worth so well and He loves you more than how much other people can love you. So I am pleading as your sister in Christ, run from that destruction and go to the loving arms of our Savior.
Be brave and take the risk.
God knows what’s best for you, so don’t ever fret for the wrong people who think you deserve anything less. You may think you are not worth pursuing just because someone who once made you feel so special just left you hanging just because he found someone else he wanted to pursue. You are wrong. You are precious and you are worth pursuing because even Christ gave himself for you. – Hanna Paula Jinayon
All glory and honor belongs to God alone.