Dear Old self,
I know you’re a dreamer.
You want a big house in a big city. A mansion perhaps. You want jewelries. You want a table full of make-up and a closet full of dresses and shoes. You want lots of money and marry a rich, handsome and very intelligent guy.
You want everything that attracts your eyes and your flesh. You want to take pride of what you have. You want everything this world can possibly give.
But I have a bad news for you. I don’t want those things anymore.
I don’t want a big house.
What will I do with that if I can’t even call it my home? I want a small one near the beach. Far away from the city and its noise. I don’t want a mansion. I want a home. A home full of love and happiness. And I want to fill it with kids who will value things that are not seen yet vital. I don’t want them to become consumed by the fleeting things. I don’t want them to love the world like it’s their home. I don’t want them to be like you.
I don’t want jewelries or a table full of makeup or a closet full of dresses and shoes.
What will I do with that if they’ll only show your outward beauty yet your heart is still made of stone? They can’t cover up the emptiness you feel inside. The beauty it will scream will not even last for a lifetime.
I don’t want lots of money.
What will I do with that if I can’t use it to save myself and find myself the truest joy – the everlasting One? I WANT JESUS CHRIST. I cannot serve two masters at the same time. God will support me financially, but not to the extent that I’ll love it more than Him.
I don’t want a rich, handsome and an intelligent guy.
What will I do with that kind of person if he can’t even keep his promises? Worldly wealth will fade. Even the worldly wisdom will not last forever. Look at the people around you in a different perspective. Love a man not because he is wealthy, handsome or intelligent. Love him because he loves Jesus more than anything.
I’m sorry that I ended up not wanting the things you want. I saw how you built that castle of dreams that you have and I’m sorry it went down.
I can’t be like you anymore. I just can’t.
I’ve grown way too far from who you are
and I can’t stand being like you today.
The woman who chose the lowly walk
So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. – Ephesians 4:17-24