Is It Normal If I Cry For Them?

It’s been more than a month since I started this school year. And believe me, it’s tiring.

Imagine how it feels like going home tired after a long day in school and in the hospital, but you can’t sleep right away because you have so many paper works to do and you still need to study because every week is your exam week.

I’m lucky enough if I can sleep six hours straight. There was even a time where I slept only three hours although on that day I had an exam, one quiz, two lectures and two major surgical operation to observe. It was only by God’s grace that I was able to make it through.

It’s hard when they expect so much from you, but your body can only do less. Every thing is hard. It’s even a miracle that I still have time to write this.

This might be really quick since I still have many things to do, but I just want to share something that I learned today.

For the past days, there were so many nights that I cried in secret. Not because I feel like quitting. It’s because I cannot stop thinking about my patients.

I even asked myself, “Is this normal?” Why do I feel so much care for them that it even push me to pray for them every night – begging GOD to heal them?

Med School has trained me to look strong in front of your patients, but it hasn’t trained me to cry for them. So for the past days I kept this struggle to myself and GOD. I have no Doctors to ask if what I feel is actually normal.

So today, GOD gave me an answer.

Through the life of a Pulmonologist, GOD taught me what I need to know. The Doctor shared to us during her lecture how compassionate she is in helping her patients that it always comes to a point where she cries for them and pray for them. She even said that “It’s easy to become an MD, but it’s difficult to become a Physician.” For her, it’s easy to graduate in Med School and know everything about every diseases, but the real test there is how good you are in dealing with your patients. Because for her, you are not just dealing with the disease. You are dealing with life. And when you realize that the life you are dealing with means so much to others, you will be more encouraged to do well and help them.

I know, some will say that Doctors should be the ones who look ‘tough’ inside the hospital, and no weaknesses (such as emotions) should leak out from the principles they have built for years. Some will deal with hospital cases with no emotions attached to it. But for me, it’s always healthy to care. With just the right amount of emotion, you can help patients more because it drives us not to give up investigating about what he/she is suffering from. Sometimes it helps us in giving the right diagnosis because we were too focused to observe all the things that we need to know.

In Medicine, you just don’t bring your intellect with you. You also bring with you your passion to save lives – your drive to make a difference with every patient that you help.

Because of what that Doctor said to us today, I am motivated to work and study hard. She taught me that although you won’t let your emotions cloud your decisions in the hospital, we must learn to care and be compassionate towards our patients.

I know someday I will eventually get over with this habit of ‘crying’ that I have for a couple of weeks now, but I am certain of something…I will never stop praying for them.

Our GOD knows what is ahead. He holds our lives, and with His sovereign will over us, He alone can truly heal a person.

There was this patient that I encountered in the hospital that made an impact in my life. The whole moment that we were talking to her and asking her many things, she was quite sad. She smiles a little, but I somehow knew she is not happy. When it was time for us to leave, I smiled at her and told her, “GOD bless you, Nanay.” Right after I said those words, she gave me a big smile and said “Salamat (Thank you).

Some may be against with what I did, but I know in GOD’s eyes, I did the right thing.

I live in a third-world country and healthcare is not that ideal. Sometimes, what we are left with is the compassion we show our patients during their stay in the hospital. They may not remember me, but what I did to them is something that they will never forget.

This is a simple call to all Christians out there who are in the Medical Field.

I know it’s hard, but always grab the chance to share Christ in your conversations with your patients.

And most importantly, show them the care and love that Christ wants you to show them.

Indeed, it’s easy to get the “Medical Doctor” title. But it’s difficult to become a Physician that cares and loves his/her patients.

Just imagine how much bigger impact it will do if the Doctor that takes care of them serves the LORD.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31

In Christ,

KrizSummer

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Imay says:

    You’re actually on the right spot! It’s a perfect mission field and perfect opportunity to share the gospel. It’s just one of my favorites being a bedside nurse! So take that opportunity! Good luck!

    1. KrizSummer says:

      Thank you, Imay. ☺ GOD bless you. ☺

  2. misslinguine says:

    Hey there! I am a Christian medical student too – I live and study in Tasmania, Australia. I loved stumbling across your blog, you write about some fantastic topics, I look forward to coming back and reading more over the coming weeks and months.
    As part of our degree we have to write reflective essays (reflecting on situations and researching the literature in response) and for my final essay I reflected on this, specifically about emotional responses to death as a medical student/junior doctor. It’s such a fine line, of being compassionate and caring, and maintaining the professionalism which is expected of us as medical practitioners, but from what I found, having emotional responses, even crying is way more common than you would think, (people just don’t like to admit to it.) But you are so right, that every circumstance and every opportunity is one to be loving and serving those around us, and to be sharing the gospel! And that can really make that empathy aspect of it all bitter-sweet. Loss and death is so much harder because we know that it is for eternity if they don’t know Jesus, but we can see each as an opportunity to support those around us and as a discussion point for those we work with, to a witness to others and glorify God in the hardest of times.
    Thanks for your reflections and your encouragement.
    In Christ,
    Katelyn

    1. KrizSummer says:

      Hello Katelyn! Thank you for reading my post. 😊 I hope you’re doing fine. God bless you!

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