For the past years, having a mutual relationship with someone without any serious commitments has been a trend.
We see men and women label someone as a “special” friend, but nothing more serious.
“I love hanging out with him.” “We’re just friends, but he’s special.”
I want to tackle this issue most especially for the Christian teenagers and young adults out there who see themselves in this kind of situation. Why is this an issue? Because some of us may know the seriousness of a Boy-and-Girl Relationship and yet end up throwing this gem on trash when we like someone who is also hesitant to commit just because you both don’t want to give up that part you reserved for the right one.
We love stories that talk about waiting for the right person and the happy ending that comes with it. We hear this from our Church leaders, our parents and older siblings. They told us to wait. And we are willing…not until someone came and made you doubt your might to hold on to that promise.
The reason why this “no label” kind of relationship is also popular among professing Christians because it gives us a room to wait and ‘flirt/date’ at the same time. It’s like, you do not want to be in a serious relationship because someone told you to not yet do so, but half of you wants to try how it actually feels. Or maybe both of you feel the same: you want to wait for the right time but ‘flirt’ for the meantime.
Just like how people struggle over pornography and every other kinds of addictions or vices, this kind of relationship also cripples the value we give on commitments. At first, you may not find it okay but when you get used to it, you’ll eventually find yourself hopping from one person to another and giving them the same shallow kind of relationship.
Is that the kind of ride you want to have before you’ll meet the first person you want to be serious with?
I’ve heard stories from my teenage churchmates how they ‘flirt’ with someone. It started with some church activities where they got close, followed with some cellphone number exchanges, and the story goes on. It’s a typical scene among teenagers, right? Some may only label it as a ‘friendly’ act. But when a compromising kind of affection between you and that person already exists, you will end up confused with your principles. Girls might end up asking themselves, “Is he my boyfriend? But he never courted me!”
I truly understand how a woman feels if she is put in this kind of situation. We always dream of someone courting us the right way. We love it when a guy gives us flowers and chocolates. We swoon over a guy who respects our parents and brave enough to ask for a permission to court us. But what if the guy you like came into your life in the most puzzling way? He’s your friend and you exchange texts all day and all night. You love talking to him, but he doesn’t want a commitment yet or you either. You heard he has done the same thing with another churchmate just last year. Are you cool with it? Do you want to compromise because you like him too?
When I was in college, I joined a University Church where most of us are teenagers and young adults. I’ve heard our Pastor reminding us many times to wait for the right time, but his warnings didn’t stopped some of us to disobey. There were still teenagers and young adults who were dating in secret because they don’t want to be confronted by our leaders and asked if it’s serious because they know that they are just playing around.
Is it the church’s fault for having such ‘strict’ command? Or is it more of how you commit your life to Christ and see Him as your LORD in every aspect of your life?
We all want to enjoy our youth. We want to experiment on things while we are still young, but always remember that with it comes responsibilities and consequences. You might find it cliche when someone advises you to wait for the right person, commit yourself to her/him seriously and never play around with someone’s feelings; but always remember that your leaders will not keep on repeating those things if they are not really important.
For those Christians who are trapped in this compromising kind of relationship, I advice you to run away from it! There is nothing good that comes with a relationship that has no attached commitment. There is nothing good that comes with playing/flirting around. Nothing. You’ll just end up crying because you broke your heart for loving someone who is not the right person for you.
If there is a book that got me through my teenage days and even up to now, it’s Joshua Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. It taught me to wait for the right time and take relationships seriously. It taught me that there is nothing good that comes in flirting with someone with no intentions of having a serious relationship in the end. It taught me that there is a right time for everything, and I should truly and faithfully wait for the right person.
I was once on your shoes, believe it or not. I was one of those who struggled with that feeling of liking someone who doesn’t want to get serious, too. We just love having each other around but we do not want to call ourselves ‘in a relationship’. I was there and it hurts…it hurts because I throw my values out for awhile just for the reason of keeping something that wouldn’t last for a long time.
I never had a boyfriend— maybe not an “official” one. I never had a serious commitment with someone, but I am one of those who swim at the sea of shallow relationships just because I was afraid to call someone as my first. Simply because, I want to wait. But I waited with wrong motives in my heart.
I know how it feels to get jealous and end up realizing that you don’t actually have the right to feel that way. I know how it feels to be freely single but have your feet tied on the ground with someone who is just like me who doesn’t want to be on a serious relationship.
It was painful for me because I lie to myself. It was painful for God, too because I wasn’t serious back then on committing myself to obey Him.
Take it from me. RUN! Run away from that kind of relationship that makes you go around in circles.
A true and serious relationship with someone should not be something that you should be ashamed of. If Christ is the center of your relationship, He will always be glorified with it.
Do not let Satan and your flesh win over how your relationships should go. Obey God and always remember that having a relationship with someone should always be a serious matter.
We should deal with commitments seriously.
As ransomed ones through the blood of Christ, our lives must show that we are set apart —and that should includes the way we value the essence of having a serious relationship.
You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment. – Ecclesiastes 11:9