Just this morning while going to school, I remembered something that I did when I was still fourteen. It’s been 10 years since then…Ten years. Who would have ever thought?
It’s been 10 years since the day I promised to wait –the day I started to hold on to the fact that TRUE LOVE WAITS.
Does anyone of you know this ministry that sprung many years ago? Well, I’m one of those teenagers who held truly and dearly to what I promised that day. So here’s my story…
I joined a youth summer camp when I was fourteen. The True Love Waits Workshop/Seminar was actually not a compulsory thing for all of us to join during that camp (and I don’t know why). I don’t know what was it all about. I was too innocent back then to know that it will eventually change the way I see dating. Our Pastor’s daughter, who happens to be already a college graduate that time, asked me if I could join her for that workshop. She was actually hesitating on asking me about it because I was still 14, and when it comes to having relationships, I don’t know anything. But despite my innocence and even my own hesitations, I said yes to her. And that was one of my decisions in life that I will never regret.
I know that TLW has to actually last for months or days (something that I found out when I was already in College) but since there was only a small time allotted for that event, they were forced to squeeze it for only 4 hours! But believe me, when you get to commit yourself sincerely into something that you know is worthwhile, the length of time that you learn those things will not even matter. What matters most is how long you held on to that promise. 🙂 On the evening of that day, we all got our rings and finally said our promises. That was a very speedy event, but it left a big mark in my life.
I know most of you who are reading this are aware on what are the topics that are tackled when we talk about waiting, so I am not going to share more about that. What I am going to share is: How it feels to actually wait for 10 years now (and probably more)?
During my highschool days (after I had my promise ring), I didn’t actually struggle over it. High school was still a place for me to have fun and treasure the moments of youth.
But when I was already in college, I was already aware that I live in a world that tempts us to love it. I was already aware that the enemy will find ways to hit me on my most fragile part.
Saying ‘Yes’ to Waiting for the right guy doesn’t guarantee that I will not come across the wrong guys. Somehow, during those days, I came across some guys whom I thought was already the right one, but I thank the LORD that I never said yes to any of them and had me as their girlfriend. Yes, not even one.
But honestly, the biggest struggle for me was not on keeping myself from the wrongs guys, but not to actually feel lonely during those times of waiting.
It’s easy to say that “I will wait”, but the real struggle there is not to get envy and jealous when your friends find the right one for them, but you are still there ‘waiting’ and trying to keep your hopes up that someday the guy that is meant for you will also find you.
Loneliness. I have always struggled with it. It makes me sometimes feel that he will never ever find me.
I keep on asking myself: Am I too ugly? Do I look undesirable? Am I weird? Should I change my views? Why is he still not here in my life? I can keep nagging for hours that I am already at the right age to have a relationship, but still, there is no hint of his presence in my life.
There are times that I want to surrender. There are times that I will more likely think that maybe I am meant to be alone…that maybe the family that I want to build someday is just one of the dreams that I have that will never come true.
I can resist the wrong guys. I can build my walls with the principles of dating that I have learned for many years, but sometimes it’s not enough especially when I am already on the right age and I am already somehow desiring it.
I sometimes find myself thinking “Maybe I have a very high standards.” But no. That’s not the problem. I just want a Godly man whom I can see myself growing old with. I don’t dream of a very rich man or a very handsome guy. I just want someone that I love. Is that a wrong thing to ask for?
But despite of my lengthy rants, I know I am not waiting in vain.
I know that God’s timing is better than mine.
I know that He has a purpose for making me wait for a very long time.
I know He has answers why I never felt that kind of love for somebody else.
I know this decade-long love story for a man that I am still waiting for is worthwhile.
I don’t know what he is up to right now.
I don’t know what are the things that God are making him deal with as of this moment.
I know nothing of who he is, where he is and what he is up to.
But I know I love him since the day I promised to wait for him.
It might sound weird for some that for ten years, I kept myself away from the other guys, but I’d rather be alone now than fill this loneliness with the presence of someone that I know is not the right one for me.
I’d rather be lonely than be in a relationship that makes me even more lonelier because I know it’s not meant to last long.
I’d rather feel lonely now than regret later.
I’D RATHER BE LONELY NOW BECAUSE THAT IS HOW I SHOW HOW MUCH I TRULY LOVE MY FUTURE HUSBAND…
And that is my Decade-long Love Story. 🙂
But IT’S NOT YET THE END. 🙂