Dear 19 year-old me,
I’m now 23, and I’ve just read your past Diary entries. And believe me, they’re not that worth reading again.
If I have the power to travel in time and talk to you, I will do anything just to scold you. 🙂
Many things have happened for the past years, and some are quite unbearable when you think it will actually happen. But by God’s grace, all of it shaped you into a person you have always dreamed to be.
Months later, you’ll finally get over that guy that you kept on thinking about since your high school senior year. I cannot stand how much you talk about him in your diary. Some of your entries made me laugh, but most of them made me cringe. You have so many issues with your attitude. You’re always emotional and unthankful. You kept on talking about the bad things that happened to you. It made me wish I knew how to control myself during my younger years.
At the age of 20, you’ll like another guy – you’ll like the closest guy friend you have in your life right now. He has been your friend since you’re both 16, but sadly, it’s not a happy ending. If there is something that I would change in my past, it’s the things that happened to you and him. Your friendship will be ruined and it will never go back to the same way it was before. You might think he’s the right one, but actually, he isn’t. You might think he makes you feel happy, but later on, he will make you cry more than how much he makes you laugh. He will never feel the same thing for you, and even though how much hope you have between you and him, I’m sorry to say, that you’ll still end up sad about it.
At the age of 21, you’ll still be not over him. In fact, he will still try to keep in touch with you, but he will never be the right person for you. Despite the fact that you both live in different places by that time, he will still have you in his life, and that’s what makes your situation even worse. It’s a long rough road of moving on for you, my dear. But believe me, you’ll be able to carry on.
At the age of 22, you’ll stop writing on a diary and you’ll choose to dwell more in writing words that inspire people. By that age, you’ll see yourself grow more mature in life. You’ve finally chosen to follow Christ with all your heart. I know you have been going to Church for the past years but your true love for God will only start at this age. It’s not an easy road. In fact there are times that you will struggle on how you will surrender things in your life. You’ll grow wise as time goes by ; you’ll have so many questions, and God will give you so much wisdom through His Word as answers for all of it.
I wrote you this letter to say, that I wish I have changed myself at a younger age. If only I have the attitude I have right now in the person who I was then, I might have done more good changes in my life. But then, if those bumpy roads that I have passed by never happened, I might have not changed to someone that I am right now. Your problems will mold you to the strong person you always wanted to be.
At the age of 23, you will not be the most loud person inside the class anymore. You will be that wise girl whom people respect and listen to. You will be closer to your family by this time, and lesser thoughts will be given to the guys that will come into your life. Gone were the days you have with that guy you liked when you were 20. At this age, you will think more of pleasing the LORD than yourself. And I hope you stay that way for the next years of your life. You will hate who you were, but you will try to see things on the brighter side.
And Med School? You actually made it to Med School, but it will be a long rocky road ahead of you. When that time comes when you feel like everything doesn’t make sense, think of God. He will always be a faithful God who does things perfectly at the right place and time. Just don’t lose your faith and hope.
We now both know nothing on what is to come when you reach 24 or what is waiting for you at the peak of this mountain that you have been travelling, but I hope you’ll cling more to what God has planned for you than making yourself believe that you can write your own destiny all by yourself. You have a God who made the earth from the beginning to the end of time, and let that fact alone convince you that He already knows what will happen to your life for the next years.
I know there are only few people that are constantly encouraging you right now, but hold on. I just want you to stop struggling in doing things on your own. There’s more peace in letting go of things and letting God have His own way. He knows what is best. Always.
Worship God with your life.