For the past weeks that I wasn’t able to write on this blog, I had this mini-series of “Honest Musings” on my Facebook Account. It’s my way of satisfying my hunger to write. Although they’re all my honest thoughts, but explaining it thoroughly can never be compared on how you put words on a blog entry. And after a long pause from this, I have here three of my very honest thoughts for this very moment. (And yes, this very moment. I was able to stop reading my school notes just to write this down because I can’t simply contain it all in my mind. I guess everyone who blogs can relate to what I am feeling right now. Haha)
Honest Musing #1: Is Medicine worth it?
Last November 3, 2014, I posted this on my account: “Since the day I decided to walk with Christ, I have this cry in my heart to do everything for His glory, and what matters most for His Kingdom. But lately, I’ve been struggling in seeing the relevance of this career to what matters most for Him. It’s not that I’m hating what I am up to, it’s just out of all the kinds of profession in this world, why did He lead me to this? I mean, He can still use me whatever career I am up to, but why this? It’s just too arrogant to say that He can only use educated people for the advancement of His Kingdom because His Word tells me otherwise. He doesn’t measure people by their intellects, but by their willingness to fulfill His purpose. I cannot fathom the plans He has for His people because they certainly come in many forms, and every day is seems to be a quest of keeping the faith during uncertainties and unending questions of ‘Why this?’. I know for the next years of my life, I will still be asking Him the same question. And for now I will settle in knowing that ‘God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting.'”
And unfortunately, my ‘Why This?’ questions still lingers in my head. I love Medicine without a doubt, but, knowing that my life here is nothing compared to what God has for His people after we die, I know my worth is not defined in this but to what has Christ did for me. There are still many things that will come to my life, and most of them are things that I am not even sure about. All I am sure now is that, this is what God has planned for me, because if it’s not, then, I will not be here pursuing it.
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)
Honest Musing #2: I don’t write a letter for my Future Husband anymore
Sadly. But, first, let me explain the whole story. 🙂 When I was in College, I used to write a letter for my Future Husband once a year, sometimes in February 14. The heaviest words that I ever written for him was on my last year in College (February 14, 2012) where I both complained what taking him so long because I always dream of having a 5 to 10 years kind of boy and girl relationship before marriage, and at the same time saying sorry for many things. Yes, it was a bit funny but those words were real.
Last February 14, I received a text from my roommate back in college asking, “Are you still writing to your God’s will?” I was in the middle of a class when she sent me that and I can’t stop detaching my mind for a little while from our class discussion just to reminisce those times that I still write to him.
But now, I find it a little immature to write to him again. My words back then was too selfish that I even put so much standards on how he should look like or what he should be doing on a February 14. I regret those days that I scolded my Future Husband even before I’ll even meet him just because I was miserably waiting for him every February 14. That’s one of the very reasons that I don’t write to him again. 🙂
On the other hand, just because I stopped, it doesn’t mean I’m already losing hope in having him in my life. It’s just that there are sweet things that are better not to be written down for a little while because it’s more romantic if I say those things to him in person. I admit, I’m always that kind of person who holds back speaking sweet and thoughtful words to someone, that sometimes people would describe me as ’emotionless’ just because I don’t like being that much sweet even with my friends. But I want to change that when I finally meet him. 🙂
And even though the circumstances (schoolworks, etc.) that I am into don’t allow me to write to him, I’m still hoping that someday I can write to him again. 🙂 And maybe this time, I won’t scold him for not being in my life yet. Haha.
Musing # 3: “50 Shades of Grey” is really not my thing
There are things and principles that I have in my life that the general public cannot understand, simply because I’m a Christian and their views are different from what I believe in.
My friend asked me earlier this day if I have plans of watching it, but I replied, “Never.”
Some would say, Christians are so quick to judge a Book or a Movie without even watching it, but I must say, “there are some things in life that shouldn’t be tried just for the sake of experience. If you know that it’s wrong, why still watch it or even do it? It doesn’t even make sense. It’s more than wasting your time.”
I am a woman who strongly advocates the rights of women to be respected, and such kind of portrayal of a woman is what I strongly oppose.
I don’t know how to end it. I wish I can write more, but there are things that I still need to finish.
To all who are reading this, thank you. 🙂 I wish I can be back soon and write more.
God bless you all.
All glory belongs to God alone.