Friendzone? Don’t ask me where that word came from. I just woke up one day and learned that word from my friend. Then months after that, I found myself trapped on that place.
For me, being ‘friendzoned’ is more critical than having a disease that feels like you have a raging war inside. It is more like cancer while having a mental disorder at the same time. It might have not killed someone physically, but having that feeling is like facing death every day, and worse you see yourself being buried everytime that someone crushes your heart.
It’s more of having a moment at the cliff where the view is great, but you have to jump because someone’s chasing you and they’ll kill you harder than having a suicide.
It’s like the latest craze, but the kind of craze no one wants but they don’t have a choice but to experience it.
It is more like loving someone that doesn’t love you back, but that someone is selfish enough not to let you go because you’re a good friend. Or maybe it’s the lover’s fault because he/she likes the thought of having that special someone around.
It’s like being on Eponine’s shoes. You love someone who loves somebody else but you’re still willing to die to save his life. Tragic as it may seem, but some people love to hang on to that moment than leave like nothing happened. You might sometimes pity yourself in doing that, but you don’t want to lose hope. You’re hoping if their relationship will end, you will be there to catch his/her fall.
But that fall is not as easy as falling one meter down. That fall is more of a fall from the top of the tallest building. Your love interest has still many times to reminisce his/her past love while falling down since it’s not easy to move on. But when the time is near for you to catch him/her, the gravity pull of the fall seems to increase. It might get both of you killed.
It will get you both killed because only a few chance your love interest will love you, too. It will kill him/her because it’s not easy to get over a tragic love story. Mending takes time, and having you around as someone who maliciously grabs the chance won’t actually help. Don’t be so selfish. Your love interest needs a friend. Stay on that role. Don’t push the walls too much when you know you can’t make it move.
Oh, cruel world, you might say. Why does love can sometimes be unfair?
We sometimes pity those who were friendzoned. We sometimes pity ourselves for foolishly playing that role everyday. But you can’t blame your friend either. Your choice is not attached to that person as if he/she will die if you go away. I know, you’ve cried so hard many times. You know it isn’t right. But it’s time to move on.
Your love interest is not the sun. You’re not earth or the other planets either. You don’t need to revolve around him/her to get life. You deserve to get away from that prison cell because you don’t even need to be there. Don’t sentence yourself to a lifetime imprisonment for a crime you haven’t done.
Maybe you’re hurting now because your expectations were not met. You expect your friend will someday love you back. You expect it to be like the fairytales where it always ends with ‘happily ever after’. You expect your love affair will last long.
But nothing from this world will last forever, except for the love mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13. But that kind of love is not selfish, and not the kind of love that supports the ‘friendzoned’ kind of martyrdom. It’s a love that has no malicious interest attached to it. A love that is pure, and the only love that heals.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. -1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Being ‘frienzoned’ is tragic, but not having the 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love is more tragic than having all the diseases in the world living inside your body. It’s more tragic than murder. It’s more tragic than being treated as nothing.
I could have given you other kinds of advice how to get over being friendzoned, but it won’t work.
I could have told you to; “Don’t talk to that person again. Love yourself. You deserve better than that.” Or I could have said “Travel and make new friends. You need a new environment.” Or “Kill your time with something else. Make that someone long to get you. Make him/her feel what you’ve felt before.” But those decisions will not going to truly heal you.
This Love I’m trying to tell you is not just from someone you’ll bump into or someone you can meet on a blind date. He is more than the sun where earth get’s the light. He is more than oxygen where life depends on. He owns both the sun and the oxygen. He is God.
You see, we sometimes consume ourselves to the selfish kinds of love we want to have in our lives. The title itself might have attracted you so much that’s why you’re here. We want answers to all of our heartbreaks. We want people’s attention, their approval and their love. But you don’t have to please them nor they have to please you. God is the One worth pleasing and worth loving.
Of course, He is not selfish. He has all the rights to claim us. He created you and knit you together in your mother’s womb, but you chose to rebel against Him and make decisions on your own. That’s why you’re broken now and you need answers.
But why do all those things happen to you? I don’t know all the answers, but I know one; and it is to make you realize that you’re looking for the right love in the wrong places. That person who hurt you neither heals your soul nor satisfy it forever.
I know you’re looking for answers and healing to all the heartbreaks you had, but first, let me tell you this; we’ve hurt God, we’ve sinned against Him. That is more tragic than your love story. And without repenting, having faith on Him, you cannot have the healing you truly need. Repentance leads to mending, and faith in Christ alone leads to joy beyond compare.
The fixing you really need are not the shallow ones. You need more than a first-aid. You need a heart transplant –from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. He restores the soul. Through His sacrifice, He gave us new hope and in Him alone comes salvation.
I also had my fair share of tragic love stories. I did all the things to move on and forget, but Christ was the One who truly healed me. I found shelter and love in His arms. He taught me there’s more to life than wanting the love of someone that doesn’t love me back. There’s more to life than living in a house at the place called friendzone. And most of all, He taught me to be satisfied with His love because afterall, the world’s game of love cannot give you a joy that lasts. It will only let you crave for more until it swallows you alive.
That’s why I wouldn’t advice you any other things. I can only advice you the Only true healing because that’s how I have been truly healed from the brokenness I had before.
And I hope this one moved you. Besides, it’s not my job anymore. It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to restore you.
But with this post is my prayer that you will get over it. Move on. It’s not the love you really need. Friendzone is only a place for a psuedo love affair. You can’t find true love on that place. You will only find sadness that drowns your soul in so much despair.
That’s why, leave that place and find healing through the Jesus Christ.
God bless you, readers! Glory to God alone.