I’ve been drowning myself lately with doubts, and it seems like I do feel okay but deep inside I’m really not.
Have I done the right thing, LORD? But why is it I feel so left out, alone and forsaken?
That has been my constant question to God. It’s easy to say you’re okay, but when all doubts, fears and insecurities haunt you again, it seems you’re back again in being a coward child where your constant words are:
“I’m Scared. Can anybody help me?”
I do feel scared sometimes. It seems like I have doubts if I have really done the right things and the right choices in life. It hurts to see that everybody around me are having a good time in their lives, and I am here in my room, looking through my window, and asking God:
How long will I wait for this struggles to stop?
Doubts, Fears and Insecurities are knocking in my door once more, and they’re hitting it so hard. The lock in my door is about to give in. Tears in my eyes never stop from falling down, and I tried to handle it on my own by guarding the door all by myself.
I forgot this is not my home anymore. I don’t own anything here, so why not call the Owner?
But when I look up, I saw Him standing there all along. Looking into what I’ve been struggling and waiting when will I ever give up doing everything on my own.
I’m guilty for handling everything as if I am God and I know everything. I’m guilty for calling out to Him on the last minute.
But His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9), and His compassion never fails (Lamentations 3:22). He saved me from that situation, wiped my tears and showed me it’s never too late.
I picture my life with God to be like that. Although it doesn’t actually happen in reality, but that’s what I really feel if I am going to make it as a story.
I’ve been struggling before over doubts, fears and insecurities. I’ve been acting to know everything as if I can handle everything on my own. But I can’t. I’m just a human being and my own strength fails. I’m fool enough to never call out for help.
We are still in this world, and we are living with a lustful flesh, and our enemy is just somewhere in the corner waiting for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). It’s a scary scene, right? But if you really have God on your side, you don’t need to worry a thing.
Doubts, fears and insecurities will always be there, trying to hit our doors once more, but God never left us in that state. He told us to wear the full armor every second so that we will be able to fight them back.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints. –Ephesians 6:10-18
A Christian life is not as easy as sitting on the couch until God will drive us into the clouds to meet Him.
We have battles to be won, and enemies to be fought. We are asked to deny ourselves (Luke 9:23-24) because one of the reasons is, it has in it our nearest enemy, the lust of the flesh (1 John 2:15-17).We are in a world where we are asked not to conform to its patterns (Romans 12:2). We have lost brothers and sisters waiting for us to share to them the gospel. We have false teachers never to be welcomed in our house (2 John 1:10). We have a Gospel to protect and never take or add anything on it (Revelation 22:18-19).
But the question now, are we willing to fight back the enemies that are laughing back at us?
Are you willing to leave everything and fight the good fight of faith (1 Timothy 6:12)?
This world is perishing, and we don’t belong here. This is not our home, and while we’re waiting let’s never give up!
We will only wait and get hurt in the battle for a little while, but after this there will be no more tears and battles to be fought. We will be with Him someday.
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God.He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away”. -Revelation 21:3-4
Just hold on. Wear your full armor and let’s run together saying to our enemies…
“This is for our God Almighty!”
Never give up my brothers and sisters in Christ. Never give up!
Doubts, Fears and Insecurities may come to our lives again, but never be coward to face them. 🙂
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. -2 Corinthians 4:17-18
May this one console someone I may not know personally, but my brother or sister in Christ. Know that you are not alone with this. Even me, I’ve been struggling in fighting back the enemies I have around me. We may still be crying out to God everyday for help, but don’t forget this will only last for a little while. Someday we will be happy, and there will be no more doubts, fears and insecurities.
May God bless you and keep you.
All glory and honor belongs to God alone. 🙂
Your Sister in Christ,