Do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases– Song of Solomon 2:7b (NASB)
Just this morning when I had my cup of coffee, I went outside the house and sat on a hammock for some couple of minutes. I’m currently living far from busy streets and busy people, and so I was able to hear the birds tweet, and see the clouds at its best while the sun shines beautifully. It was almost perfect. Almost because I didn’t have a Bible to read during that time.
What held me there for minutes were thoughts that I don’t usually think about. That was a rare time where I think about me being single for a long time. And long time means since birth.
I don’t have regrets though. I love doing things alone. I travel, study, eat on restaurants, discover new things and places, walk on the streets or jog alone. Although I am not a loner since I have many friends, it’s just I love the fact that I am single. I want to cherish it because just like true love, it also comes once in a lifetime.
The thing that was going on in my mind that time was not the thought about what keeps him so long. What I was thinking that time was maybe I’ll love being alone for the rest of my life.
I am not the typical woman who constantly imagine my dream dates and dream wedding with the right man. Although I used to like a lot of great guys back in college, but no one really got me to conclude of maybe he’s the right one. It’s like I see them as someone ideal, but not for me.
If I’m going to compare a Christian life into a race, I’m the kind of runner that when a guy catches up, I’ll introduce myself and speed up again. Maybe I’m still in this season in my life that I have a little interest on loving someone not because I still have a dream to pursue. I think what is happening to me is like what the Song of Songs said, “Do not awaken love until it so desires.” I’m still probably sleeping when it comes to this, thus I still don’t desire it. 🙂
If waiting for the right guy is like sitting on a bench near a road where guys pass, I’m probably the kind of woman that is more busy reading dozen of books than looking who’s walking on the road. While other women sitting on every bench near the road are busy making themselves look good just to get the attention of every guy that passes by, I’m the type of woman who waits with my eyes not on the road but in the Book I’m reading.
I’m more concerned if my cup of coffee is already empty or it’s already cold. I don’t get insecure when no one bothers to give me flowers because I know I can pick some. I don’t get envy when I see couples pass by or women got men to sit with them on their bench.
If no man is ever brave enough to climb mountains with me, reach the lost and tell them the Good News, I’d rather go to the mountains alone than living my life around a guy who lacks passion to share the Gospel to the lost. If no man is brave enough to say to me that he wants me to join him to what God wants Him to do, I’d rather do those things alone.
What I’ve observed today sometimes frustrate me. Most men are reluctant towards the calling of God to preach and share the truth about salvation. They are more concerned how comfortable their life is while waiting for the LORD, but we are not called to just sit on the couch for years or hibernate on the cave for centuries. We are all called to go even if it means leaving our comfort zone. If reluctance and worldly comfort is what he is thinking about, I’ll never hesitate of leaving my bench and pack up my things and walk the long road alone. Waiting doesn’t make sense if that’s the kind of guy I’m waiting for.
I’ve seen women who love waiting for godly men but lack passion to search for the truth all by themselves. Christianity is not just about feelings. It is about understanding the Word of God even in the season of singleness. It’s not just about waiting for a godly man who’ll read to you word by word what he has learned about God along the road. It’s about sharing what you both understood when both of you were still waiting.
Waiting should not lull us to ignorance and innocence towards the truth. It should persuade us to find and understand the truth. It must be a season for us to understand things that is unknown to the lost so that when it’s the right time, you and your future partner will both be equipped enough to leave everything and walk the road according to what God wants to do to your lives.
We must also remember that love is not just about feelings. It is about understanding, sharing and believing the same things. It’s living a life that always talk and think about God and not just talk and think about Him if you want to.
I may still don’t have enough love of giving that space for someone, but I hope someday I will. But if not, I know I’ll be fine. 🙂 It’s not that I hate guys. I’m just not interested in guys that are not really for me. If he is really for me, I don’t need signs and wonders for me to believe that he’s the one. Discernment is enough and every true believer doesn’t lack that. It’s not about how romantic he finds his way to me. It is not based on how many bouquets of flowers or bags of chocolates I have received from him. It’s about us sharing the same passion.
I believe in God’s providence, sovereignty and supremacy. If He was able to foreordain the destiny of each and everyone, I don’t think He skipped the part about our love stories so that we will be the ones who’ll work on it. I know it’s already a part of our stories and just because it still hasn’t happened, it doesn’t mean it will never going to happen. Worrying over your love story doesn’t make sense. You’ll just waste your time thinking about something that is really meant to happen in your life, it’s just not yet the right time.
Even in our love stories, let’s shift the emphasis from the person we are waiting for to the God who really owns the center stage. Let His Word fill your mind with wisdom. Let His Spirit equip you on what you should really be doing because after all, what we are really waiting for is not a knight in shining armor or for the guys, a sleeping beauty. We are all waiting for more than that. We are waiting for our Savior Jesus Christ in whom we will spend eternity with.
Fix your eyes on Jesus even in the season of singleness. You may be just like me who’ll ponder over singleness for some time, but never close your doors for the possibility that you are really waiting for someone who loves the God you love.
Remember, it’s more tiring to walk than to just sit down. God may still be molding him to walk in the counsel of His will. Although we are all called for that, but they are leaders of our future families. They must be molded into the best that God wants them to be.
Be patient and cherish the season of singleness. Stop eyeing on everyone that comes your way. We normally marry once. That means we will only give that space to only one person. 🙂
God bless you, readers.