When Your Own Words Hit You

 

It was Wednesday night, and I arrived at our apartment already past six in the evening. Our cell group leader and the rest of the Zion Ladies (It’s a care club we had when I was in college) were already gathering on our living room. I wasn’t shocked though. I know we will all be busy since the next day is our most awaited day. Our care club was asked to organize the Church gathering tomorrow. It was not an ordinary gathering because another Church is joining us for that very special day.

It was February and the topic for the next day was ‘TRUE LOVE WAITS (TLW)’. I can still remember how some of my friends giggled while preparing the pledge cards and cutting small heart-shaped papers. I didn’t giggle though. I was already been used to that kind of topic. All my life I have been hearing it. But out of nowhere, our cell group leader asked us if someone will volunteer from us who will be interviewed tomorrow about ‘Waiting’. I kept silent. God knows I don’t want interviews especially when it comes to that kind of topic.

And as expected, no one volunteered. Our cell group leader was forced to choose among those who never had a boyfriend since birth (NBSB). I suddenly had goose bumps because I never had one. That was the only time I regretted I never had one. So to save myself, I told her, ‘Why not you, you never had one.’ She smiled and said ‘I will be late. My classes will end 5:30pm (the gathering will start 3:30pm).’ Only three among us never had boyfriend. Now we’re down to two so I kept silent all the more. I know she will not ask me first. Because she knows I’ll say ‘no’. I was expecting the other NBSB to say ‘yes’. She knows the topic so well since we both joined a TLW Seminar before, but unfortunately she said ‘no’. Of course, I also said no. I asked her why. She said she can’t because someone is courting her that time, and many from our church already saw them dating. I suddenly wished someone’s courting me that time so I could have a valid reason. I’m the only hope left, and I was just there sitting on the corner hardening my heart. I told them many reasons not to consider me. I told them that I don’t usually join the Thursday gathering because of my class schedule and student council meetings. The people might got shocked to see me there just because the topic was TLW. I don’t know what to reason out anymore. My Thursday afternoons are already free, and the student council will not have a meeting the next day. I can’t lie, too. I don’t have any other choice, so I finally said ‘yes’.

I’m not used to talk in public. Yes, I was a part of our college student council, but I always volunteer myself for works that has nothing to do with public speaking. I don’t know what to say for that gathering. I might have many things to share but not for that topic.

To be honest, the reason why I never volunteered for that interview is that, I was not the perfect one to talk about waiting. Because for me, when you talk about waiting, you must first fix your relationship with God. But during that time, my Christian life was on the driest desert and an oasis is nowhere to be found. I also had feelings with someone that time, and sad to say that the guy was not even a Christian. I felt so impure and undeserving to speak in behalf of the NBSB community.

I spent the night talking to God. I asked Him to do a miracle tomorrow. He knows I’m not ready, and He knows I don’t want to hit myself with the things that I am expected to tell tomorrow.

The night passed. It’s already Thursday. I can’t believe I said ‘yes’ last night. I went to our college heavily burdened. I can’t believe what commitment I did last night.

The time was running so fast. I can’t believe it was already 3pm. I went at our council office for a while to pray and practice some answers to possible questions. I was so nervous. I don’t know what to say. It’s already 3:15pm and a church mate of mine already texted me that we’re about to start. All hopes for God to intervene was already there. I tried to recall the verses that I held dearly when it comes to waiting while I was making my way to the place where we are going to gather.

‘This is it.’ I told myself. I was shaking when I entered the Hall. To make all things worse, the venue was filled with so many young people greater than I was expecting. The other interviewees already arrived. A couple, a single Pastor, Missionaries who remained single, a full-timer in our Church. I looked at them with so much awe. Who am I to be lined with them? All of them are already making big names in God’s Kingdom. I was just a Christian girl who is wandering in the desert and has been parched for a very long time. I should not be here sitting with them.

It’s time for the interview! The other people sitting next to me got the best introductions. I was curious what the host will say about me. Then suddenly, the host said, “And here, representing the youth…” I can’t believe he said that. That was a lot of pressure for me. I hear the resounding clap of the people I am representing. I can see my friends from afar who are smiling, and cheering me up. Despite of the claps I heard, I was still not confident of being there in front of many people.

The questions are rolling. I learned a lot from my co-interviewees. I was so attentive with their answers that I forgot that I was also expected to answer the same question.

One of the questions that I can’t forget was, “Why is it that the youth should wait for the right time?” I can’t believe how words rushed from my mouth. I said, “We should wait because our hormones are still at its peak of confusing us.” People laughed. The host asked what do I mean by that. Actually, I hated myself for giving that nerdy answer. I forgot that this is not my major class. I am not facing my nerd classmates anymore. Good thing God’s Wisdom never fail me. I replied, “When your hormones are still imbalanced (adolescent stage is like that), you have greater tendencies to make decisions only basing on what you feel, and feelings are not a very good reference in making decisions. We should wait for our maturity. We should fix first our relationship with God before engaging for a serious commitment with someone else.” My answers hit me. They hit me so hard that I forgot what were my answers for the other questions.

I know my answer made sense, but I also know that what I said was something that I did not expect from myself. That was a slap on my face. I must fix my relationship with God and let go of the feelings I had with that guy I have been liking for months.

It’s already 1 year and 8 months since that interview happened, but my answer still lingers in my mind.

Our emotions is a part of our flesh. It is not a good reference in making decisions especially when it comes to this kind of love. Our hormones are deceiving that’s why we need God’s Wisdom all the more. It should not always about feelings when it comes to this. We should seek God’s approval.

But first, we should fix our relationship with God. Are you like the old me who was wandering in the desert for some time, and has been thirsty for God’s Word for a long time? Are you praying regularly with all of your heart?

It’s necessary for us to fix our relationship with God. He can see our hearts. We need to always come to Him in repentance. It’s not God’s fault if you are experiencing spiritual dryness today. It’s our fault because we drifted off course after we knew God’s Good News. Remember that He’s everywhere and He’s all-knowing. Thus, you’re the one who is closing your doors for the possibilities of an awe-filled experience with God.

I was the one who turn my back from God that time. I knew I was at the peak of my spiritual dryness, but I never call out for God’s help. My studies bothered me so much. I wanted to achieve the unachievable. I forgot that my relationship with God should be the first thing on my list.

Maybe you were like me; overwhelmed by the troubles you are facing. Know that God is always there. His Word is there to remind you not to quit. When you are weary, remember what Jesus said:

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. -Matthew 11:28-29

In Him, we are safe. He gives us complete rest. We just need to reach out and repent. Tell God what bothers you so much. And most of all, let’s examine ourselves. Test if our faith is genuine. My desert moments convicted me so much to examine my faith in Christ:

Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test! I hope you will find out that we have not failed the test. -2 Corinthians 13:5-6

Don’t let the things of this world bother you. Let’s fix our eyes and ask for His help for us to make our way out from the desert. Hear God say these words to you:

“Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat!Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. 2 Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live; and I will make with you an everlasting covenant, my steadfast, sure love for David. 4 Behold, I made him a witness to the peoples, a leader and commander for the peoples. 5 Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know, and a nation that did not know you shall run to you, because of the Lord your God, and of the Holy One of Israel, for he has glorified you. 6 “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; 7 let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. 8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, 11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. 12 “For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before youshall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. 13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the Lord, an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.” –Isaiah 55

Come near to God’s presence! Seek Him all the days of you life.

GOD BLESS YOU!

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Great message! I enjoyed every bit of it!

    1. krizsummer says:

      Thank You! God bless you. 🙂

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