“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” – ROMANS 8:28
Have you ever been into a kind of situation where you feel so sad and hurtful about what mess you’ve made for the past months, and sadly, you see your dreams fall right in front of your very eyes? You can’t help not to cry over it every night because you feel so hopeless, you can’t accept that sometimes there are things that have to end for a little while.
I’m a Medical Student last year, and becoming a doctor has been my dream since I was a little girl. I remember when I was still a little kid, I loved visiting my Pediatrician, and hoping I will someday become like her. Although I love many things then, but becoming a doctor is always been my biggest dream. That’s why when I got my Med School grades messed up last year, I cried so much. How could I ever ruin the dream I have been holding on for too long? I hated myself and even hated God for a little while, but He is really Someone that I can never resist. After all that happened, He is the only One who remained constant,. Meditating on His Word day and night reminded me that He has bigger plans for me. Although I still have the chance to be back in Med School last June, I decided to take a break for a year. I thank the LORD for the lives of my parents who always support me in my decisions and told me to spend a few months visiting some new places.
Weeks later after I decided to stop pursuing Medicine for a while, I took a flight to Manila and traveled for another 6 hours to La Union where my mother’s younger sister and my cousins are waiting for me. And right now, I’m still here. I was able to visit some other places near La Union. I thank GOD for this unexpected opportunity. 🙂
For the past months, I grow deeper in my relationship with the LORD. I love Him even more despite the afflictions that I am into. His Word brings life to me. I know He exists because I can feel His love every second. Although my fears are still lingering, but knowing He is always with me, I know I’ll be alright.
It’s okay to be scared sometimes. It makes you realize you’re only human, and you can’t do things on your own. It’s good to be scared because it’s a feeling that convicts you that you should depend on Someone else who never feel fear because He knows it will be alright. My fears confront me that I have to be dependent with Someone, and that Someone should be none other than God. 🙂
I may have been raised up in a Christian Family, grew up living with our Pastor’s family on the same compound, and never sang a worldly song during my childhood days, but true Christianity will never come to you unless God will be the One who reveals Himself to you. I believe in the depravity of man because I have been into that situation. I cannot understand then why I have to wake up early and join my parents for a devotional. I cannot understand then why I have to buy many skirts and only keep 2 pants for myself. I cannot understand then why I have to be scolded when caught listening to a worldly song. I cannot understand why I have to go to church thrice a week. I never understand all of it because although how much religion pushes itself into my world, I can’t appreciate it then because I am not convicted of my depravity. I wasn’t aware about my carnality.
I thank the LORD because He never left me on that state. He showed me how much I need Him because I can never really save myself on that day when He is going to pour out His wrath to those who have reprobate minds. He showed me that He is the ONLY way for eternal life. He showed me how much He loves me through the blood shed by His Son, My LORD, Jesus Christ. 🙂 If there is a love story worth telling, it will always be the story of how Jesus Christ ransomed me. I can’t help myself to get a bit emotional on this over and over again because this has always been the reason why I am alive. I am alive now because God saved me.
Those awe-filled experiences with God may have never happened if that simple failure I experienced in Med School never took place. The LORD may had introduced Himself to me when I was 8 and liked Him so much when I was in college, but my full love for Him only showed when my only dream was surrendered to Him. I knew then that someday He has to test me over this, and I thank the LORD because without Him, I will never pass the test He prepared for me. I thank Him because He sees the beauty in these afflictions that I’m into.
Although I am haunted sometimes by my fears for my future, but every time I think about His promises, I know I will be alright. I will be okay no matter what happens because I have Jesus with me now.
I love God now more than anything; more than how much I treasure my dream of becoming a doctor. I thank the LORD for this experience. Although I will be back next year in Med School, but my experience now with the LORD will last for eternity. All glory belongs to my God!
God bless you, my reader! 🙂